I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
