We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The air taste purple.
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