I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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