Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
