My nipple is on Facebook.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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