Got a toothbrush?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
