im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
