smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
