Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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