The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
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i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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