didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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