The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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