Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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