Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
