I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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