Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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