I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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