If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
