My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
