I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't deserve a penis
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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