Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
