We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
