And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
