It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
