So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
