I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
