Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
