Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
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just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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