An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
