Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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