Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
