saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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