Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
