Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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