I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
