why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
