i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
