Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
