you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
