even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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