I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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