She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
