my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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