i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
