Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
