Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
