drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
