I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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