I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
