Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
