the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she smelled like a LAN party
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
