I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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