party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
