You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
