My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
babies were throwing up all over the place
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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