Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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