Where is the hickey?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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