I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We need to get me chipped asap
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
we're so committed to being not committed
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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